it might just all be a facade

Saturday, November 17, 2007;

♥ 11/17/2007 07:49:00 AM

I swore i knew the melody, that i've heard you singing
And when you smile, you made me feel
Like i could sing along
But then you went and change the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left, with 'used-to-be's
And once upon a song>>

I was just lying on my sick bed, and listening to my mp3, and When There Was Me and You started playing. This part of the song really, really speaks my heart. And i feel alot for it. (:
Isnt it just so amazing, to find a song/poem, which speaks exactly your thoughts?
It so is, for me. ;D

Anyways, im sick, like SIfeverflucoughCK.
Im over the sore-throat and fever phrase already. Now, it's just more of the blocked nose, and cough. =
GO AWAY, STUPID SICKNESS.
I still have to sit for my reexams, and go for rc challenge okay. (:

Speaking of rc challenge, it's gonna be pretty exciting for me.
Well, hey. I should be, afterall. It's my first time attending a hq camp, not as camper, but a mentor. And this is gonna be such a new experience. Ha, im pretty excited, yet pretty thrill-ed at the thought of being 'challenged'. Hahah, im spluttering nonsense.

I cant wait for reexams to be over. Not that im actually studying for it, or anything. Which i should be!
But like, yknow. Having this exam to be sitting on my back isnt a good thing. ): It's like, refraining me from my freedom.
So, i cant wait for it to be over. And then, it'll be my rcy camp, then my class (07S07) chalet. Followed by many other gatherins in dec!
Let's see. There're my beloved2c gathering, 07s25 gathering (hopefully?), meet up with my girlfriends, catch up with my bestie, suntan (again?) with the girls, VI chalet (?) andmany many more! ;D
Ha, pretty exciting holidays ahead i see.

Anyways, im pretty upset right now. Mm, not wait. 'Upset' doesnt seem like the correct word to use here.
It's more of 'amused', yes, amused. Amused at how things/events in my life are going, not the way i wanted them to, not the way everyone else thought it'd be, but at the way the things are going right now.
It's like, things just seemed so settled and confirmed for a moment, and that you'd alr plan on what to expect and what to do. Then suddenly, the truth and 'twists of life' just came crashing down on you, and suffocating you. Yeah, that's exactly how things are turning out in my life now. And i feel extremely pissed and helpless at the turnout of the things. ): And im really lost. I dont know what should my next step be, and what should i do next.
The thing is, no one seems to really understand. Everyone tells you the superficial stuff, which (in their context) are called 'advices' and are supposed to aid you in any process that youre going thru. Mm, right. Maybe just certain friends actually understand, and give you advices. But somehow or another, no matter how sound the advices are, they just can never work.
And so, i feel as though, im all left alone. To fight this horrible war on my own. And at certain times, i'll feel as though, i've lost. ):
No no no. )':
Why are things turning out this way?
Are my instincts are messed up and horribly wrong?

And right now, i feel as though i've lost.

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.